Blogging, just cos I can't get to sleep. Too many things on my mind. Too little things in my heart.
I never knew it had be this hard, this tough to get through it all.
It certainly is becoming a long journey, a journey that I am still on.
Though it hasn't been long at all but, I really didn't expect to feel like it all just happened.
I didn't feel anything there and then, at least, not on the surface. I couldn't.
I really can't let this continue on. I really have to lock it all away, leaving it for another time, the time, when I won't feel the need to feel this way at all. If only that time could come soon. It's just so hard, this internal.burning.endlessly.
I thought everything subsided from the initial absence. Guess I was wrong after all.
I can't hide it anymore. But I can't let it hold me down, not this down at least.
Though I can't accept this situation, I can't handle this feeling but I got to try.
With so many of my friends encouraging me to, I have to.
Even if I have to be down, I can't bring their hopes down.
Affecting me all over, taking me over.
Tearing and breaking down.
Watching it fly away.
Moodlessness taking over, pushing me out in the cold.
Turning me into stone.
Leaving me not knowning what to do
Or where to go
Wondering and wandering
Not touching it, merely avoiding it
Taking caution to not fall in
Not that I don't wish to chat
But I can't, not in this state,
State of mind
Growing wreary.
Time. Is what I need.
Right now, it's time,
To lock it all up?
Maybe not, but just closing the door to that room for now.
The feelings will remain, they won't change.
But I have to learn to not let them affect me.
Just waiting for that time to open the door once again.
I know I am rambling, I do feel a little lighter.
And thank you my friends. For all your support and wishes and encouragement and company.
-SILY...BIL-